i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
