If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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