Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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