my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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