I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
