Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
