Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
