i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
