it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
