Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
