pop tarts are not kleenex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
