I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
