sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
