I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
