i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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