Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
