i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
