we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
