Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
