I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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