Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
