Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
