brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish my penis had an off switch
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
