Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
