just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
