Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
