dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry about my life...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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