So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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