When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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