He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
