He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
