oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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