Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
