my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
