I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
