On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
