Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she smelled like a LAN party
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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