Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
