I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Shame - the story of my life.
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