just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
