She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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