When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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