I've blown a few things in my day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
