shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
