you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
