Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
