I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
