We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
