why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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