You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
