So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
