remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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