if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize